In my last post, I talked about burn out and where I was mentally from work.  I was exhausted and drained of having to constantly keep up this tough face at work for my team.  The role I took on was a great lessons learned, but I realized it was not the right role for me based on my passions. 

What I'm most proud of was my ability to acknowledge this and not let it bring me down even further. I went on the job hunt and refocused on what it was I wanted to achieve in my career.  Doing that led to me landing a competitive job offer that I was able to bring back to my organization.  In response, I received a counter that aligned perfectly with my goals and was able to transition within my current organization into a role that was better fit for my mental health and career aspirations. 

This moment really made me realize the power of reflection, self awareness and having a solution-oriented mindset. Without it, my mental health would not be where it is today. 

It's been awhile since I've last posted. The last few months have been overly exhausting and I've found myself having to admit to burning out.  Each week felt like I was on this high energy for 5 days to compensate for having to stay on top of work activities. Immediately following, I would drop from my high alertness and crash Friday evenings through Sunday to recoup and process everything that had happened. As I'm typing this, I feel drained of energy. 

In recent weeks, I've started to question whether or not I've taken the right career path. As a manager, I feel the need to protect my team regardless of how they're performing. As a leader, I feel the need to constantly upkeep the positivity around the workplace even when I'm feeling the opposite or having a bad day.  There are days where I'm just tired and exhausted of it all, but I know my emotions greatly impact that of my team and colleagues. 

Last week, I started the process of reassessing what I wanted and starting to apply for different positions outside of my current company.  I thought it would give me a sense of relief, a sense that I'm taking a step in the right direction. Yet, I feel this overwhelming guilt because I still do enjoy my team and cross-functional management team.  For the first time in a long time, I feel at odds with my career and what I've achieved.  I feel defeated, and it's been the toughest thing for me to accept that I am just burned out.  I do hope I overcome this feeling. This feeling of always feeling bad, and instead start focusing on my health and mental wellbeing.